26 October 2006

There's nothing quite like it ... simply messing about in boats - Ratty

So.

My cunning plan to get work at the nearby university came to naught, and so I am back working at the old place (the university on the faaar side of town from where we now live). Thus my commute to work several days a week is a looong one. And it’s a car (this one, not that one) commute, as there is no train station near said far-away university.

(I work at one university, and study at another. Inconvenient? Why, yes).

To make the journey bearable, even enjoyable, I’ve been indulging in talking books from the library. I’ve listened to some wonderful stuff – Enduring Love by Ian McEwan, Down Under by Bill Bryson and something called Step Ball Change by Jeanne Ray which was gentle and pleasant and Stomper Girl, you might like it?

Anyhoo last week there I was at the library gazing morosely at the thin selection available. All I could get was Drylands by Thea Astley which turned out to have an annoying fuzzy fault and was unlistenable, and something called The Last Time I Saw Paris which looked innocuous enough. After giving up on the muffled tones of Thea Astley I pushed in the Paris tape (the first of six). Soon enough I was groaning out loud. It was pure chick lit – all jewellery, ladies’ lunches, divorces and You go, girlfriend! from the 45 year old protagonist. I persevered because you know, changing tapes on the freeway at 100 kph is irresponsible. And I listened again on the way home too because I am a glutton for punishment. Soon I was groaning even more but unable to stop listening because by now I had to find out whether she ended up with the high-flying arrogant cheating surgeon husband or the much younger blue-eyed hunk of a tradesman …

The next morning and three tapes into it, the fluffy chick lit turned into a full on bodice ripper. Suffice to say rosy-tipped nipples, creamy thighs and throbbing manhood featured, uh, prominently.

Hello, pervy Googlers!

Ahem.

It was all a bit much at eight in the morning. Fanning myself, I tried in vain to keep the steering wheel from wobbling. Finally (finally!) I arrived safely at work feeling a trifle flushed, not to mention in dire need of a cigarette.




Postscript: the next day I grabbed one of the children’s story tapes and listened to Wind in the Willows for my morning commute.

It was a much more serene ride.

19 comments:

shula said...

Heavens Suse, I suppose MUSIC is out of the question then?

I practice songs when I drive alone, often very loudly and quite oblivious to the people who can, of course, see me from other cars. I must look a sight. I certainly cause some amusement, which I doggedly ignore.

ThirdCat said...

And there's a good Tashi one. I think it's Tashi and the forbidden room. Tashi's voice is great (imho).

Cunning plans never work out.

Suse said...

Shula - I'm bored with all my music tapes. Need a new selection.

3C - I love Tashi! We have quite a few Tashi stories, read by Stig someone. I agree, great voice.

h&b said...

That is *HILARIOUS*, especially needing a ciggie after the {ahem} .. ride ... ;)

h&b said...

Just read the comments.

Have only read one Tashi book, and I HATED IT .. found the writing and illustrations boring and tedious.

Maybe I needed the spoken-word version ?

blackbird said...

You need one from David Sedaris.
Funny and with a funny voice.

Though that could be dangerous too -
I picture you laughing and swerving on the highway.

Em said...

I have to admit I'm a bit of a fan of the odd chick lit - although the bodice ripper sounds a bit much...

It's a good idea though to listen to novels. I average 1.5 hours in the car each day driving the kids around, so as long as I listen to something G rated I guess I'd be set.

Stomper Girl said...

Oh funny! And did you ever find out who she ended up with? Or did the throbbing manhood put you right off?!

As soon as I read the words "Step Ball Change" I thought "I like the sound of THAT book" and then hello, there was my name! Good call, I'll go check it out!

herhimnbryn said...

Phew!..............
Was Alan Bennett reading The Wind in the Willows? Best person to do so.

daysgoby said...

Oh, I loved messing around in boats!

I mean, ahem, when my father read it to me.

And I love Bill Bryson. Pee-yourself funny. Have you read A Walk In The Woods? (I can't remember if you blogged about that before!)


I like poetry, read aloud by men with soothing voices, for long trips.
(This drives my husband nuts.)

Eclair said...

If you are wanting audio books may I suggest http://librivox.org/

You can download for free (they are read by volunteers so listen to the first chapter before downloading the whole book, just in case you can't stand the reader's voice) Then you can burn them to CD and listen to them in the car. They are all out-of-copyright so steamy purple prose is likely to be a bit scarce!

velcro said...

Garrison Keillor is great to listen to but i think if i had to drive long distances (and actually had a car and a driving license) i would listen to old episodes of Just a Minute and the Goon Show.

daysgoby said...

Oh, Keillor - what a good idea!

Stjernesol said...

Oh, what a wonderful day :) Or ride, or ehm.. ;)

If I had to take long cartrips, listening to talking books would be strongly needed! Anything to make the trip go faster..

capello said...

but didn't those curvey thighs at least wake you up on your morning drive?

BabelBabe said...

I can't listen to books on tape - it gives me a headache. sadly, i also cannot read on the bus as it makes me seasick.

but David Sedaris - now that's a good idea, Blackbird. Although I too picture car wrecks due to hysterical laughter. So maybe not, dear Suse...

Lazy cow said...

I guess you know Jeanne Ray is the mother of Ann Patchett (Bel Canto, Magician's Assistant, etc)? I liked SBC but Eat Cake is much better, and the cakes will have you ravenous (in a different way) by the time you get to school:-)

Janet said...

I loved your story about Roger and the desert. So romantic. Our first date was a trip to Adelaide in Terence,a 1984 red toyota station wagon who served us well. Anyway, I quite like station wagons.

jess said...

I had no idea Jeanne Ray is Ann Patchett's mother! Weird. I second the Eat Cake recommendation AND the caution - it will make you salivate.

I like the Lord Peter Wimseys for car trips. And David Sedaris - I really thought I would get in an accident once from the laughing. I've got Holidays on Ice waiting for me as soon as I finish listening to Broken For You.