11 January 2008

25 things that shit me to tears

Herewith my contribution to the very classy 25 Things that Shit me to Tears* meme that’s doing the rounds of all the um, classy blogs right now. [Except I stopped at 11. It seemed wise].

* and it turns out that that’s an Australian phrase unknown to the rest of the world. Are we a stylish nation or what?

1. The heat. Oh god, the heat. OVER IT.

2. My stupid car. OVER IT. It died two days ago, luckily in a carpark in the village, but it meant two hours standing by the side of the road in the heat (see # 1). One hour waiting for the little yellow rescue van and another hour waiting for the big white tow truck to take me to the mechanic after the little yellow van deemed me beyond help. I am now $654 poorer.

3. Toilets at car mechanics’ workshops. (See #2). After two hours by the roadside, one has little choice in the matter.

4. Certain relatives who upon noticing small knitted items in my house feel no compunction at all about saying "Well I’m sorry but I don’t see any point in an apple cosy". I guess it’s my own fault for leaving it lying around. Really, I should know by now.

5. And then the next day when watching me undertake another craft project and fail miserably, instead of being supportive and encouraging, she says brightly "Do you wish you’d never started?" which of course makes me snarl Yes, say a very bad word and throw down aforementioned craft project in a childish fit. In front of the eight year old child.

6. Houseguests (see # 4 and 5). (Not you Sueeeus! You will be delightful because I’m quite sure you don’t own a thong and nor are you my mother a certain relative).

7. The heat. I blame the heat.

8. Rude people. To escape the heat I took the boys to the cinema this afternoon to see The Water Horse which was lovely and gorgeous and features more handknitted jumpers, socks and vests than you can poke a knitting needle at and was utterly delightful EXCEPT for the unbelievably rude family who sat right behind us and allowed their small daughter to talk all.the.way.through the film. In a high pitched voice with no volume control. What is WRONG with some people? The child shrieked continually (and I mean continually) What she doing?/What they doing that for?/Why he do that? and the mother ANSWERED her each time. I mean, this child spoke literally nonstop, with only brief seconds in between each utterance and the parents did not once shush her or show any consideration for anyone else in the cinema. Several people around us said Ssshhhh but to no avail. Finally, about halfway through the film I turned around (she was on her mother’s lap directly behind my seat) and said to her through gritted teeth firmly but not nastily Listen, we are trying to watch this film sweetheart, so could you be quiet now please? Thank you. To which she promptly burst into tears. So, isn’t that great? I made a three year old child cry. I blame the parents. (And the heat). If she keeps it up, one day someone far ruder than me who doesn’t say please thank you or sweetheart is going to turn around and growl shut up kid or abuse her parents or something. Anyway, she did shut up for the most part from then on, apart from the terrified sobbing, that is.

9. Insurance companies. Specifically that one whose jingle tells me I’m lucky to be with them. Because the glass panels on our solar hot water system got damaged by flying branches in a storm back in October LAST YEAR, and despite my many many telephone conversations regarding the small matter of a cheque with which to pay for new ones, they still have not obliged. Today I received a phone call from a very pleasant gentleman who informed me that he could come over first thing on Monday to assess the damage (despite the fact that our own guy already assessed it and sent in a report, which apparently was inadequate). We set a time and then I inquired as to his company’s name as I hadn’t quite caught it the first time? He’s from a pool shop. Yep. The insurance agency, despite being told that this is our HOT WATER SYSTEM that is broken, thinks it’s a solar pool heater. More angry phone calls and in the meantime we continue to stumble along with stuttering hot water from the electric back up service.

10. A bat got into the house. Bats are nocturnal you may remember, so its arrival was at approximately 3.00 am which was just great. Not that I was asleep or anything (see #1).

11. I think eleven is enough, don’t you? I’m not sure about you but I need a drink.

12. Oh wait. It’s also Day Two.


Kim said...

I love you Suse.


Can the visiting relative leave their diary behind? Because that was so fun last time.

(Do you know just how proud I am to have done a reverse meme and for others to not only have done it but to have taken up the delightful phrase to which I assigned it. Seriously, it's as close to fame as I'm probably ever going to get.)

Stomper Girl said...

Hahahaha. Don't you love calling brats sweetheart when what you actually mean is bitch-trog-from-hell? Good on you for saying something.

I'm with you. This January has been appalling heat-wise and it is not even halfway over. Enough already.

bluemountainsmary said...

Oh Suse.

Wishing you cool breezes, chilled drinks, fixed cars and solar hot water systems and a speedy end to Day 2.(which given it is 11.00pm means at least part of this wish is almost fulfilled)

blackbird said...

I know who those house guests are, but if Sueeeus is coming to visit (or has) she will wipe all that out of your mind.

I HATE the heat.

Susan said...

Yes the heat! But let's face it, some people (not 'us' of course) are just stupid! Enjoyed your apple cosy and toadstool very much.

Stacey (Sheeps Clothing) said...

I am so with you on the talking in cinemas thing and I think you were very polite given the circumstances. Stronger words would not have been out of place!
I love reading about your relatives - I think we might be related.

daysgoby said...

You mean you're not falling-down-drunk, banging into walls and generally abusing the dog?

Because after that day? I WOULD BE.

Lazy cow said...

I just mentioned to my sister this evening that nothing is shitting me this week because I'm in the one 'good' week of my cycle. Next week I'll be back to my bitchy, whiny self.
I cannot believe you let that woman stay with you again!!
And YES to the talking in the cinema. So glad you told her off. That drives me CRAZY.

sueeeus said...

I will be on my best behavior when I visit, and If I'm a very good girl, I just might be able to return home with one of those adorable gum nut gnomes tucked away in my luggage somewhere.

I think that toadstool is lovely, btw. Perhaps a flared base on the next one might help it stand?

What's not to love about an apple cosy? Japanese pears are often displayed with protective wrapping, and our apples are now packaged by the dozen in hard plastic form fitting cartons to keep them pristine.

shula said...

who said that shit about your knitted apples cosies and where do they live so I can go round and KILL them?

Elizabeth said...

What is it about other people' s shitty things lists that are so amusing to read?
I commisserate of course, but I do love others to go at it.
I think this post is missing a photograph..ahem..

Frogdancer said...

Wasn't it glorious when the cool change came? It was supposed to be in the afternoon, but at about 10.30 there it was.... coooooool.

I have no compunction about telling people to be quiet at movies. I think it's the teacher in me.

fifi said...


i just love that phrase, shits me to tears.

Am I going to die down there next week? Will I look the tacky sydneysider that I am if I wear my bright orange beach dress? At an International Art History conference? At Melbourne Uni? heh.
* excited*

I too saw the Water Horse (cried, of course, i always think it's real)
the noisy child, l(uckily right next to me) was frozen in terror by my Evil Look and stopped carrying on quick smart. I do a very scary Evil Look which can be extended to Evil Stare for stubborn stains on the landscape.

Fairlie said...

That 3 year old will grow up to become a 15 year old, who along with two of her friends will sit right behind me at one of the only G rated movies suitable to take both my 10 year old and 4 year old to...and she and her friends will laugh, and chat, and make phone calls right through the movie and when I shush them, they will laugh some more and get even louder. Then they'll notice the four 13 year old boys, who are doing commando rolls over and between the rows of seats, and they'll chat some more, and laugh, and make some more phone calls...or SMS with beeping keytones.

If making that 3 year old burst into tears avoids any of that future...you have done society a favour.

Marg said...

If kids need to talk all the way through the movie then the family should go to the drive-in...it has the added bonus of being cheaper too!!!

Thank goodness the cool change has come through now! Couldn't have coped with another hot night!

h&b said...

*LOve* this meme - loved it at Kim's and I love it here. I could do it so easily, and I just might. We'll see if I can be bothered :)

P.S. - was nice to revisit the thong post. I still don't get people letting other people handle their smalls. Like Shula, you do them in the shower, and discretely dry them away from all others, so not to traumatise them.

And I don't have time for people/rellies that diss the things I love. I'm amazed you let them stay..

crafty said...

OK, now I've read H&B's comment I better go follow that thong link.

Cars broken down in heat? Blech, happened to us on the way home from Christmas, with three kids in tow.

Poppy & Mei said...

Can't. Comment. Laughing. So. Hard. Xxx

Laura Jane said...

Hey Suse
The tears you have been shat to are all TOTALLY justified. Heat, cars, rude rellies with no freakin idea (or care) about how they grind you down, and don't get me started about the spoilt whiny brats in cinemas. I too have cultivated an exceptionally quelling glare that is good for making 3 year olds cry. Now if only it would work on their dimwit parents.

I had a bat in my bathtub one morning in the middle of winter in Wisconsin. It was very cute but I made my husband pick it up carefully with a towel (away from the bitey end)and put it outside in the snow.

Thanks too for spreading the revival of the term 'shit me to tears'. It is under-used and perhaps ripe for becoming a cultural exchange! Go for it, blunt speaking world-wide bloggers!

And on the mushroom front...sigh. I feel your falling down frustration. WE understand.

Janet said...

I'm almost scared to do this one. I'm on day one and a half....

so is the car fixable? thank goodness there's a cooler week ahead.

amy said...

I personally think that the apple cozy is a great idea. I thought it was very sweet and I would use it to carry an apple around with me to have later as a snack.

plum said...

Oh dear. Oh dear oh dear. I cannot believe you were having to stand outside in that heat. Ugh.

The cool change has come in fortunately. Although F went and ate so much chilli that he now needs to lie in front of a fan AGAIN.

I remember being at some fancy Disney-on-Ice show as a child and having my seat kicked constantly and rhythmically by a small girl, surrounded by her parents and a truckload of sweets and chips. Even at that tender age, I could not believe that a parent would not stop her child from evidently ruining someone else's experience. Not that Disney on Ice is really up there, but still.

Carson said...

Your post title actually made me LOL
There's only one thing worse than your list: all of that on Day One.

Lynn said...

Ah! Re: the relatives and their comments - my MIL, who happens to be a painter and potter and sculptor by trade, has the habit of saying, when regarding my spinning or knitting or beading or what-have-you, "That just looks so time-consuming!" Which, really, is just "Don't you wish you hadn't started" in disguise....

Kate said...

My mother's family is like that - my mother is quite carefull, since she got it herself, but you can see her thinking it. Not about the knitting, which she does too (although I can't knit in the presence of her mother, since I knit 'wrong' and then we have to talk about how I'm 'wrong' for far too long) but things like housework or spending.

I bought a pet rabbit and all she could say was 'oh, Kate' in that mother tone of voice. Yick.

That girl's parents aren't doing her any favoures. Not to compare kids to dogs (much) but it's like not training your dog - it's not fair to the community and definitely not fair to the dog. Liek you say, someone someday will not be as polite as you.

It's like all those poor sods who audition for Idol, who you jsut know have been told their whole life by tehir parents how talented tehy are. And now they're on national television, looking ridiculous.

Hhhmmmmm, maybe I inherited the criticism gene after all ;P