14 July 2008

silences

Sailor, July 2008

Three days without the internet was awfully quiet and isolating. On Sunday evening it returned as mysteriously as it had vanished.

But I haven't much to say anyway.

There are many silences around here.

The children are back at school today after two weeks of holidays.

I am on semester break from uni right now and am at that stage in my degree where I generally lose interest and motivation in a project (generally about two thirds of the way through something). The pile of unfinished craft projects in my study is testament to that particular bad habit of mine. And it's about this stage that I pulled out of the last degree. I am determined not to do so this time, but I got my semester one results last week and let's just say they were not as good as I am used to them being. Time to pull out the finger.

I went to the farewell of an old boss on Friday and found that she is battling with her third bout of cancer. She looked so frail. I had dinner with a friend that night and was quite teary over the gnocchi.

I am restless and quiet and resentful. The dog lies behind me as I type, his tail slapping the rug as he dreams.

I'll return when I have something of interest to say.

29 comments:

shula said...

You're still not speaking?

That must have been Some Falling Out.

bluemountainsmary said...

Thinking of you - a massive hug from me.

Badger said...

I seem to spend huge wads of time being restless and quiet and resentful these days. Must be the age for it.

herhimnbryn said...

Your words as usual speak volumes...but that hound of yours seems to be saying so much with his head on his paws.
Take heart Soup Lady.
ps Have you read 'The Philosopher's Dog'. If not, go find a copy asap.

Jen said...

You've got me officially Worried, Tim Gunn style.

Joke said...

Just you wait. A "silent" meme will crop up pretty damned soon.

-J.

elena jane said...

even your photo is blue :( i am worried as well...thinking of you!!

twolimeleaves said...

I'm sorry. For even the puppy to look sad, well, it must be very silent indeed.

Frogdancer said...

Ummm.... you ok?

(At least it's 'Silences'; not 'Hurling things at each other' as your title.)

I've been going through a really hard time, but things are beginning to look up. Hopefully the same thing will happen with you. I'm sending you some good vibes and best wishes.

Kirti said...

another comrade beaming some love into your silence x

Jenny said...

Oh Suse, hang in there.

Carson said...

Well, it was of interest to me.
I can relate.
And I think a few of us can.

Stomper Girl said...

Well I think you have to pull your finger out as an act of defiance to nay-saying. So what if your grades were not top-notch last semester? My guess is they were still pretty respectable.

That being said, I do sympathise with how you feel and suggest that you need a treat. Like a pamper, or a thankyou for all you do card or [preferably] present. If only the men-folk could work this stuff out for themselves...

innercitygarden said...

Well I don't know how to fix the other stuff, only how to ride it out, but finishing uni when you're feeling uninspired is something of a special topic. My best mate and I made essay writing dates with each other, took turns making cups of tea, and absolutely forbade each other from procrastination. I got to a point where I didn't give a rats about failing, and so had she, but neither of us wanted the other to fail. She's since finished a PhD, and I'm trying to work up the motivation required to finish the last subject of my Masters.... Good luck.

Joke said...

SG,

Why do you think I loiter in the background, scribbling quietly?

-J.

belinda said...

Feeling restless, quiet and resentful - check.
Halfway through a degree (actually, an advanced diploma) and suffering from procrastinitis -check.
Feeling suitably sympathetic and a teensy bit worried - check.
Try not to be too hard on yourself Suse, thinking of you.

Meredith said...

Hoping you find strength in silence...and sending positive thoughts your way.

"...silence often has far more power to heal and to connect than the most well-intentioned words." -Rachel Naomi Remen

meggie said...

As the earth has it's seasons, I tend to think our minds also have seasons. Seasons of the Head, perhaps?
We all have some down time, like winter when the earth lies fallow, & the saps don't rise.

Surfing Free said...

Me too about the losing interest in something two-thirds of the way through. I always think life's winners are the people who can maintain their interest right to the end and beyond. My little brain burns out early.

Resentment seems to always be bubbling beneath my skin as well, although I can't put my finger on the reason.

I'm sorry to hear about your old boss. News like that would bring anyone down.

peppermintpatcher said...

Two-thirds is a difficult time in any long term project.

Keep your chin up. Find some beautiful music to fill the silence.

Jodie said...

Sounds a bit grim- I think you need something to get angry about - I know it sounds crazy but it is a great motivator. Get angry and then get busy....the busyness will wipe out the anger and you'll be movin'.

Lilli boo said...

I felt compelled to write something...anything to acknowledge your pain? and maybe still let you know that we hope you can continue riding your wave of challenges with the dignity you are showing and hope resoltuion is in sight.

kim at allconsuming said...

Please don't tell me that You and Mr Soup are still not talking?

For a moment I thought that dog was dead. Now that'd be silent.

Molly said...

I'm an expert on dealing with such silences----a book before I die! I make bread, no bread machines for me though, I need to pound [sort of voodoo related!]And sometimes it's dangerous to talk, because it might get out of control and all the resentment might overflow, and things might be said that will be regretted. So I scribble furiously......And sew. And go for walks. You could give that adorable dog a huge hug, he looks like he Soooo feels your pain. As do I! Hang in there....MB

leslie said...

'tis the season, 'tis the season... these grey, cold days make everything seem fairly dismal. i know it won't fix anything, really, but might i suggest a hot cup of tea and a few new skeins of wool to brighten things up just a wee bit? hang in there.
xox

Joke said...

I save loads of time by losing interest at the 10% mark. I mean, if you're going to not finish something, you might as well not finish it by a long shot. No point in failing to cross the finish when it's in sight.

-J.

Linnea said...

I hope you feel better and are having a good time to recharge and everything. This is my first time at your blog. It's very nice :o) I'm enjoying my time looking around. Take care & feel better.
Linnea

Suze said...

What a beautiful photo and a beautiful dog!

Gina said...

Love this photo of your dog..reminds me of the fog here. Just have to say this is my first visit and your blog is so beautiful..comforting and familiar.. love the lanterns below..I 'm assuming a steiner festival? We had a wonderful festival of our own this year :) Gina