6 March 2009

maudlin tonight

Yes, we are back home in our own dusty little space with the great view. My dear darling friend who lives deep in safe well-upholstered suburbia took us in like the straggly bunch of waifs we were, put us up for the evacuation day, fed us, left beautiful magazines lying around for me to read and then got my birthday wrong and gave me the most delicious present and ice cream cake and everybody sang happy birthday. Only it wasn't my birthday which was hilarious.

And now we shall not talk of fires any more 'kay? Because, hallelujah, it is cool and there is wet stuff falling from the sky. Small children all over Melbourne are asking their mothers what it is because they haven't before experienced its damp delights in their lifetimes.

So. I have been doing wonderful things, but not blogging about them. I went to a bloggy dinner and met a lovely quilter and received a love chicken. And the following day I rose in the milky dawn and spent the entire day with likeminded friends travelling on trains and viewing the most exquisite couture exhibition and discovered that there was a time when Princess Margaret was in possession of a very tiny waist and that the queen once wore a dress featuring embroidered bees to a reception in France. Inspiration and ideas spun their gossamer threads around my mind and left me exhilarated.

Also I started semester two at Uni and the amount of reading I have to do overwhelms me and it's only Week One. Homework, at my ripe old age; it kills me. I have spinning homework too from my new class in Panton Hill (Spinning for Beginners Who Don't Know How the Hell their Spinning Wheel Works).

But I have not been coming to this space and telling you about these things and I don't know why. I am tired, so very tired. And maudlin tonight here on the eve-eve of my forty-fifth birthday. I feel old. And what I would really, really like for my birthday is a DSLR Pentax camera but I don't think it is going to happen.

I also read a quote today: "There is this deep, hilarious chasm between people who love to write and people who love to write and do it well." That really is depressing although I don't think the author (someone whose blog I adore) meant it to be. It's just my state of mind.

Enough with the self pity. Time to put on the happy face, not the old, tired face.

40 comments:

Blossom said...

Glad you are home safe and sound.

many hugs

PS happy birthday!!!!!!!

Blue Mountains Mary said...

Happy Birthday darling girl. It's not so bad being 45. 45 is fine - take it from a fellow 45 year old.

I would love to wear a grey dress with dark grey bees embroidered on it (with just a few hints of yellow - from a flower perhaps?)

x

Jo said...

Have a lovely birthday tomorrow (and I bet that little earth tremor gave you something to kick start a mood change!?!) Jo x

fifi said...

You are very completely gorgeous, and at least you don't LOOK 45 even if you might feel tired!
i almost had a breakdown when i turned 44. it was such a horrible shock.....


Happy Birthday. May you continue to live your wonderful life, and do all your wonderful things. I am always impressed. if i could, i would get you that camera myself.

x

Sharon said...

Glad to hear you're all back at home, & in the rain!

Happy 45th birthday. Enjoy it & forget the year count.

CurlyPops said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow. Hope you have a lovely peaceful and relaxing weekend. Sounds like you need it!

Sarah said...

I turn 45 this year too! Glad you're home safe and sound. I imagine it's hard to settle into good rhythm and routine after so much anxiety. Sounds like you need a crafting retreat :)

and, btw, I love your writing!

meli said...

I don't think there's a chasm. Sure, there's brilliant writing and nice writing and ok writing and everything in between. (And bad writing, I guess. Which I think is usually bad because it's trying to be something that it's not.) And some people are better at it than others. But - leaving aside perhaps the magical brilliant writing that only a few people on earth will ever achieve - I think most of us who love writing produce writing across the spectrum of the scale. I mean - even good writers produce bad writing sometimes.

agh - sorry for rambling on. Something about that quote annoys me too. But even if there was a chasm I don't think you'd need to worry about which side you were on. We all come and read your blog because we like it.

And in the end, writing isn't about 'good' and 'bad', it's about communicating.

meli said...

and happy birthday!

Frogdancer said...

45 is awesome. I'm 45 so I know.

And at least you can access your blog. Wordpress has decided that my username (that I've had for 18 months) is no longer valid and so I'm blocked from accessing my blog (that I'm paying $100 a year for). Am I a little peeved?

Slightly. In fact.... I'm quite annoyed.

I didn't thinmk I had much to write about until this happened. Now that I'm gagged, I'm bursting with things to say.

Frogdancer said...

Obviously, I'm so angry that I'm making speeling nistakes willy nilly.

Things are drastic.

SharonH said...

Suse how I wish I was 45 again - I feel way too old - my inside self thinks she is still young but my outside self tells the real story...I now know EXACTLY what the term 'young at heart' means... Still we march forward one step at a time... At least the fires are no more of a threat - way too much heartbreak there... You enjoy your spinning wheel - me - I am going to try a poetry class - I have a love hate relationship with the stuff but I want to uncover its magic - so I am going to meet it halfway...

Enjoy your birthday tomorrow every last crumb of it... :)

WOW - did you feel the earth tremor out your way?????

Melissa Ellen said...

Happy Birthday for tomorrow xxx

Janet said...

Happy birthday for (the day after?) tommorrow Suse. Once you get there, hopefully 45 won't seem so bad. I quite like it even... Hope you get your camera, if not now, then soon.... yes, another craft retreat would be good wouldn't it ;)

Janet said...

ooh and we had an earth tremor I think - very strange

eurolush said...

Happy Birthday to you, Suse! Hope you enjoy your big day and count every one of those 45 years as a gift...because they are!

PS-You should know, dearest, there's NO great chasm between YOU and writing well. Your posts have style and charm...and an understated elegance. So there! Take that!

another outspoken female said...

Hope you've shaken the blues (sorry about the pun but someone had to say it :)

I ignored turning 45 but 6 months down the track I have begun obsessing about 50 being ONLY FIVE YEARS AWAY, which is rather ridiculous. However, it is making me feel quite young by comparison.

Hope you have a tranquil, sun speckled day on solid ground. Happy Birthday!

Badger said...

So glad you hear you all are home and safe. I've been compulsively checking this space for the past couple of days.

I am all confused by the time difference between there and here, so happy birthday, whenever it is! I tend to get maudlin around my birthday as well; not sure why as it doesn't really BOTHER me that I'm getting older. I don't think. Or maybe it does.

Here, have some wine. I'll pour.

sueeeus said...

Rain! So glad things are settling a bit now. What a ride you've had. I can't even begin to imagine the exhaustion you must feel over everything of late. Time for a nice glass of wine. (Oh! Badger beat me to it, but go ahead, have another!)

--and a very happy birthday to you!

shula said...

It's tomorrow, Badger. I know this for a fact, BECAUSE I FACEBOOK. Not that we're going to to talk about that ever again...

Happy birthday for tomorrow, Suse. I'm very happy to hear you're having spinning lessons, though essentially all you need to do is practice (practise? I always get confused with that one)

zephyr said...

Welcome home...the exhaustion is entirely understandable.

Happy Birthday!
Whenever it was, i never understand the day/time differential.

Shan said...

The word "hilarious" in the quote you mentioned bothers me because it makes what could be helpful sound mean-spirited. As an art prof. I read my share of papers--some well written, many not, but they all reflect valid ideas and growing skills.

Anyway, you fall into the "write well" group and I enjoy reading your posts. Thanks, get some much-deserved rest and Happy Birthday.

Thimbleanna said...

Aw, Suse, you're not old. Don't you know 45 is the new 30, or something like that? Glad to hear you're back home and there's RAIN!

Elizabeth said...

Happy Birthday Gorgeous!
45 I breezed through, 46 has been startlingly awful so far. Like somebody hit me over the head with it...
Enjoy your day, your precipitation, your spinning and even your required reading list.
Ignore the quote.
Carry on.

Fioleta said...

Glad you are back home safe.

Congratulations on your birthday. Hope you'll feel better soon and will have fantastic year.

P.S. I love the way you write

Courtney said...

I am so glad to hear the weather is treating you more kindly nowadays. Have a wonderful birthday and I can't wait to read more about your experience with the spinning!

Jen said...

Happy, happy birthday, Suse!

Jo from Cornwall said...

Hey - so glad that you are home safe and the weather has changed. I have been thinking about you and telling friends in the UK how deeply you have touched us with your blogs about your life and how the fires have affected you and your family.

You are bound to feel a bit emotionally drained after all the stress you have been through, being on constant alert over the past weeks.

Don't worry about your birthday, I'm 46 and loving it! It's how old you feel inside that counts. I make a point of not feeling old inside!

Have a great birthday!

RW said...

Oh. Happy Birthday to you! I turn 45 this year - I join you on this journey. I am so glad you posted - I too, have been visiting your blog every day to see what is happening.

I love your writing.

And I hope you get your camera!

Sending you many, many warm wishes from Canada.

Eleanor said...

Dear Suse,

A birthday limerick for you, with much love:

Birthdays do (sometimes) bring on the blues,
But Suse knits in a rainbow of hues.
Her words every day
Keep the darkness at bay
Like a crested flock of cockatoos.

P.S. See you next week!!

herhimnbryn said...

Happy birthday Soup lady and remember, as Miss Jean Brodie said..........you are in 'your prime'.

It's good to have you back.

alice c said...

So here I was worrying about you getting singed and I should have been worrying about you getting old. Is there anything else that you need me to worry about that you haven't told me about?

Happy Birthday...and if, in your maturity, you ever feel like crossing that chasm and giving lessons to the less gifted just let me know so that I can join the queue.

Alicex

RW said...

so you and Eleanor are getting together?
wowee.
that should be awesome.

blackbird said...

Just remember, I am older. Also my neck is saggy.
Look on Ebay for the camera, why don't you - and have a happy birthday, dear, whenever it is.

rhubarbwhine said...

You are me right now. Really. And for my recent 45th I rec's a digital SLR, which did cheer me a little. But the months that followed still leave me restless, maudlin, unconnected. Hugs from me.

peppermintpatcher said...

Beautifully written, linked to beautiful photographs, meeting new challenges academically and creatively. It soulds like the experiences of those 45 years have shaped an interesting and wonderful person. Embrace every one of those years and enjoy your day tomorrow!

Sue said...

Happy Birthday Suse, & don't worry about turning 45, I just turned 50 & so far it's great. Turning 40 was a non event with a 1 yr old in tow, 45 was good but now I'm living how I want to having had the in between years to shape my wants & needs. So enjoy being 45, it's good.

Rachel said...

Eeeewww, I can just see the smug face of the person who wrote that horrid thing you quoted; clearly thinking that their own writing was just fine! Don't be put off, and enjoy being someone who writes in such an interesting way that she gets so many comments, is only 45, not nearly halfway through her likely life span, and has so much to offer other people. Happy birthday, and I hope you get your camera!

Fairlie said...

Happy birthday for today...tomorrow...yesterday? I can't keep up with which day it actually is!

Lovely to see you last week.

victoria said...

I ENJOYED this post!!
Happy Birthday xxoooo
Wishing you some peace and quiet and a few weeks of uneventfullness I think..