21 May 2010

tgif

in bullets ...

* Last night I spent a great deal of time knitting four rows of the border of my latest shawl, tinking (that's unknitting them, one stitch.at.a.time), and knitting them again. I ended the evening at the precise point at which I'd begun, only with more hurty wrists.

* You know you have Steiner children in your carpool when the Grade Six kid in the back smacks his hand to his forehead and groans OMG I forgot my knitting.

* You know your teenager attends a Steiner school when he excitedly tells you his classroom now has lockers just like the schools in the movies and when you say What, battered grey metal with locks and keys? he replies Well, no. Wooden, sort of rounded, with nice curved handles and all smelling of beeswax.

* Remember how the little kids have a list of things to look out for on the morning school commute, which together determine the awesomeness factor of the day to come? We have an exciting new addition - If the goat is IN the tree, the day is going to be SPECTACULAR OMG.

* Last week my place of employ had a rather Important Do, with lots of local and interstate dignitaries present and more academic regalia than you could poke a stick at (including a mace. Cool). I spotted only two people asleep - one in the audience front row and the other, interestingly, up on the stage. Well, those robes are quite hot I suppose. Anyway it was quite entertaining, especially that moment when the senior visiting dignitary had an attack of the giggles right at The Big Moment. There was an altogether more unfortunate moment when the cameras caught a gentleman exploring the interior of his nostril, and flashed it up on the big screen. I wonder if that'll make the Christmas party reel.

* Next week I have to attend one of those hideous all day seminars in which we are expected to 'workshop' and 'brainstorm' and 'network'. With other people. From different departments. You might not be surprised to know I despise these events with a dark and treacly passion. This time I was particularly horrified to see in the 43 page pre-reading material that as the morning ice breaker (what's wrong with a group chat over a cup of tea and an iced vo-vo, I ask you) we are expected to come prepared with three statements about ourselves, one of which sounds as though it could be true but is actually a lie.

I have some ideas up my sleeve, but I'll bet you can do better. Entries in by Sunday evening please folks.

32 comments:

mrsfife said...

I only came over to say...what's an iced vo-vo?

And how about "I make more money from my photography than from this here job"?

Mindy said...

It's not something that I often share, but I am in fact a champion fruit carver and in my youth took out the Junior Champion section at the Royal Easter show three years running.

Uli said...

Oooh, dark and treacly passion. I like that.

Also love the descriptions of the kids in the car.

I'll have to give further thought to your lie though. And hope that you don't fall asleep during the 'networking' like the dignitaries did at the Event.

Suse said...

Brilliant! I'm pissing myself laughing already.

More information regarding the iced vovo here. As the article so rightly puts it, the iced vovo is the My Little Pony of the biscuit world.

Mindy said...

I have to admit that the fruit carving does have a history in my family. The hubby was actually chopping up a watermelon at a work function once and decided on the spur of the moment to get creative and do a 'watermelon basket'. A colleague commented that he seemed to know what he was doing and a whole story about water melon carving in Paris to pay his way through uni or some such rubbish just popped into his head. He had them going for a good ten minutes before anyone got suspicious. I think it was something about a rockmelon that brought him undone.

Maybe you could practice your straight face over the weekend?

rachel said...

Oh no - a whole DAY's seminar? With breakaway groups and facilitators and many other jargon-ridden expressions? Make your three statements real eye-openers!

How you once managed to get parole against all the odds

How your genetic makeup makes you a fourth cousin twice removed to the (insert famous/shocking name here)

Why you have to leave for a lengthy spell in the bathroom every 32 minutes or terrible things will happen

Good luck. Being retired is heaven, you know!

Stomper Girl said...

Your grandfather was the judge who handed down the hanging sentence to Ronald Ryan.

Your sister the Primary School teacher taught Jessica Watson in Grade 2 and said she lacked application.

I love the gently rounded wooden and beeswaxed lockers. Just like the movies indeed.

Mare said...

Oh dear, sounds like my worst nightmare. Good Luck!

How About:

I've really been looking forward to this workshop and can't wait to share my ideas with you all.

Bec said...

Sharing your dark, treacly dread, I have a different approach.

Be as boring as it is possible to be. Dullness is your friend. Be the person that no one expects to come up with the key message.

Then, if an opportunity arises, volunteer to take the texta to the butchers paper - writing beats 'joining in' any day.

Of course, this is theory only. While I plan to be inconspicuous, in practise I inevitably become so annoyed with the earnest types around me that I can't help but say idiotically provocative things and end up being seen as the naughty girl up the back instead...

Which just serves them right for locking me up to deal with inanities when there is a mountain of real work waiting for me back on my desk.

(Lie suggestion for dullness: "I'm the half-niece of Amelia Earhart's chief mechanic's daughter."
Lie suggestion for being an unavoidable shit-stirrer: "I can cross the all the toes on my left foot over each other without touching them with my hands")

librarygirl said...

You and your parents were in the Exclusive Brethren, but broke away.
You're writing a book about it.

Badger said...

Iced vo-vo sounds like what happens when you sit on a cold bench in winter without the proper undergarments. Just saying.

I've found that the key to the truth/lie exercise is to make sure one of your truths is outrageous enough to PASS for a lie (go on, we've all got one) and then your lie can be something quite mundane, like "I was born in Vermont." (Or whatever the Aussie equivalent of Vermont happens to be.)

LemonyRenee' said...

Here's your "actually a lie statement:" I'm looking forward to all of our activities today. LOL!

I share your hatred for such events.

Good post.

BabelBabe said...

am I the only one who thinks an "iced vovo" sounds like something out of a porn flick?

i like the fruit carving - I could totally see you carving fruit, dear one.

BabelBabe said...

oops. badger beat me to it. leave it to us to be the vulgar ones.

my word verif is mabledb
Mabel, Mabel, if you're able, get your elbows off the table...

Moorecat said...

"If I can't knit during these sessions, somebody will get hurt."

Oh, wait, that's a true statement.

"I only ever lie about the size of my stash."

"I have several tame magpies in my garden and have taught them to sing in three-part harmony."

Elflyn said...

I really don't know what your lie should be but I do know you must come back and share what you decide.

Tish said...

I've taken up sheep shearing in my spare time.
Spinning wool is so pedestrian that I've begun to spin koala and kangaroo fiber that I collect from gum trees and fence posts. Crazy Americans will pay a mint for the yarn (and we probably would!). :)

ssheers said...

One of the true statements could be about seeing a goat in a tree during your morning commute.

Melody said...

We don't do tgif here in the UAE. We do tgit as our weekend begins Thursday arvo! Lol...

Cat said...

I can't lie for toffee, so wont even touch that one.
But yes, I also love a good goat up a tree day! The one on Main Rd before you get to Eltham, or are there more? (my mum lives right near there) I hope there are more! I did not believe it possible, until I saw photos, one very wet and rainy day. I love goat in tree days now!

Suse said...

omg yes the very same one.

I told the teenagers this morning and the eldest shrugged nonchalantly and said "Haven't you ever googled Goats in Trees before? They're everywhere. They're hilarious."

He's right. Try it. The images made me cry with laughter. Goats. In trees. Who knew?

(However, why was my son googling goats in trees? Is there something I don't know? WTF?)

innercitygarden said...

How bout you just take someone else's strange but true.

I have worked for a bookie at the Mansfield Cup.

I have worked as a babysitter to a wine writer. I really wished I was able to get home from there by public transport.

I have worked the bar at the Dan O'Connell on St Patricks Day. Two young men came up to the bar and leaned forward, smiled, ordered two pints and said "Has anyone ever told you, you have beautiful....


... glashes."

I replied "Yes. That'll be ten bucks."

shula said...

Stomper wins

Elizabeth said...

(1) Goats in trees. Please exaplin. You know you want to.
(2) Iced Vo-vos are not a biscuit, they are an abomination. This blog is the first place upon which I have seen a positive reference to same. Even Whirlpool agrees they are hideous.

Isabelle said...

Yes, I wondered about the goat too.
And the Vo-vos, but I've got them now.

That staff thing. Ugh. You have my sympathy.

Lynn said...

Don't forget to "interface" while you're at the seminar. Very important.

My main man and I had to guffaw about the Steinerisms. The lockers sound otherworldly; I need some in my house.

And sorry, no believable-lie suggestions; it's too early in the morning. It appears you have plenty of fodder here already...

SmitoniusAndSonata said...

You're thinking of applying for a grant to further your studies in Avian Semantics ?
Or just come up with the tinking thing . No one would believe that at all !

frog said...

I am going to have to alter our route simply for the possibility of seeing that goat up a tree. The mere idea sends a frisson of excitement down my spine.

And I love the Steiner lockers and forgotten knitting. The only Montesorrism I can come up with is my kids' perpetual puzzlement over why so many kids wear costumes (uniforms) to school.

And word verification is hyingot. Not quite flying goat, but close enough.

Anonymous said...

hahahaha I was going to come up with a very straight faced lie but I cant now because I am laughing so hard after reading what Badger said about an iced vo-vo!!!! hahahaha that is hilarious, sue

appletreedream said...

The conversations with Steiner children kids must make the car ride very interesting and fun.

Hope the all day seminar will be more enjoyable than it sounds. I used to dislike them, as mostly they were just a waste of time.

I need orange said...

"I seriously love these meetings and find them SO valuable."

Or maybe it doesn't sound like it could be true?

[snort!] :-)

manda said...

oh gosh how i wish i had steiner children sitting in my back seat every morning on the way to dreary school. lucky you + kids x